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Girls Don’t want “Bad Boys” they Want MEN (who are Confident)

20 Apr

I recently went on a Tinder date with a guy who told me a story about a fist fight he won in high school. I swooned.

Not.

Apparently, he was doing it to protect the honor of a girl in his school who was being mistreated by some guys in law school (not your typical miscreants, but maybe things are different where he grew up in Mexico). By the end of the date, I’d heard plenty of other stories proving how macho hard core he was.

Jack Johnson & Jim Jeffries Boxing

We  went on a few dates after that, and my dislike for that part of him continually mounted until the pivotal point when we were having a conversation about relationships and he said, “You like me because I’m a bad boy.”

A. I never said that I liked him

B. I would never like someone who labeled himself as a “bad boy”

C. I wish that I slapped him, but then we might have gotten in a physical fight and he has a MUCH stronger history of winning than I do (plus I’m not a fan of violence)

Labeling himself as a “bad boy” was a pitiful attempt to differentiate himself from guys that he considered to be softer and less manly. Or that was my impression of the situation, is that why guys do that?  I have no idea…

nice guy

Unfortunately, in our society “good guys” get a bad wrap because they are stereotypically boring. (At least that’s my problem with every guy who says “I don’t understand why girls won’t date me, I’m a great guy!”)

Women People want to be with other people who are confident and passionate about life.

sports car

I would take a “nice” guy who is confident and passionate about his life any day over some narcissistic guy who has muscles large enough to guard frail female honor and a sports car small enough to barely fit his ego.

Do you Think I’m Power Hungry?

20 Mar

Today I did a little soul searching (inspired by Tinder) and I re-realized that I’m really attracted to men who motivated, intelligent, have masters degrees (+), and have accomplished interesting things. (I know that if Marie reads this her eyes are going to roll)

woman pilot 2

I’m not alone… I think that most women appreciate those types of things.

But as I was Tindering today I realized that there are only 2.5 things that I look for when I swipe.

1)    Is he motivated? (ie. already has a cool job, planning to pursue an interesting career, or in the process of getting a good education)

2)   Is he funny? (on Tinder the evidence would be on his headline…. which usually isn’t good evidence AT ALL. In real life you just feel it)

2.5)   Is he cute? (He might be top of the class at Harvard Medical School but if he isn’t at least a little bit cute… it’s a problem. If he’s funny though, I probably wont care how ugly he is)

ugly man

I typed “vintage ugly man” into a google search and this is what showed up. Apparently the standard for beauty was much higher back in the day…

I feel a little bad about my preference because {in my mind} I’m always criticizing guys for making looks such an important part of their dating selection. Yet, I do the same thing with motivation/job potential.

Granted, I’m a pretty motivated individual so I feel slightly entitled to be with someone who matches my enthusiasm…. and yet in the end, I’m actually quite shallow.

One more time: I’M SUPER SHALLOW.

Better.

woman pilot

Watch out fellas, here I come!

Now I need some advice.  If you have a second… take the poll below and let me know what you think!

The Best Therapy I’ve Ever Had

27 Jan

Work.

Every Mormon missionary knows the phrase, “forget yourself and go to work.”

The quote is famous because it was written in a letter to one of the presidents of the church while he was a young man. It came at a point in his mission when the thought of violating one more “No Trespassing” or “No Soliciting” sign to knock a door seemed like too much (or maybe I was the only one who got sick of people yelling at us for ignoring those signs).no missionary

Anyway, the story goes that after he read the letter, it gave him the motivation he needed to overcome his desire to quit, finish his mission, and later became the president of the church.

Just like the advice my mom has given me for the past 6 years —  learn to cut guys hair so that I can make money AND get more dates — the quote went in one ear and out the other. Until this semester.

Over the past few weeks, my motivation for doing my daily tasks has changed and “going to work” is the only thing that makes sense.

What changed my perspective?

My Organizational Behavior professor has given the class an assignment to make a goal to change something about our lives, set benchmarks, develop a reward system and in true college form, write a meaningful, five page paper that will probably be used as kindling for my hippie TA’s campfire after she spends a total of 23 seconds reading it.

Setting goals is easy; developing a reward system has been about as hard as it was for me to ask people who were much older, wiser, and more religious than me to call me “sister” (often prompting the question, “are you a Nun?”).MissionaryTag

I have no internal desire to do it.

This assignment made me realize that I don’t need to develop a surface level reward system (treat myself to ice cream, clothes, or a day at the spa) because it’s better to be motivated by core values.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my core values and I find that when I make value-centered life goals — much like the mission-centered goals I used to make– I’m much happier and more fulfilled.

vintage_couple_at_the_bar_001_by_mementomori_stock-d5toocq

“Going to work” everyday helps me find purpose in mundane tasks.  I no longer worry about achieving things that others consider to be “great” in order to be happy.

My life has become my reward. 

I Was The Unintentional Party Pooper

1 Dec

art

Normal Party: A place where people get drunk and have fun.  Doing drugs, dancing, and hooking up are also popular activities.

Before tonight, the only parties I’ve been to were:

  1. A bro/bro-ho party in High School.  My Australian exchange students wanted to go to a “real” American party so a friend offered to take us to a friend of a friend’s place. The party ended up being hosted by a group of White Supremests (in San Diego we call them “Bros”).  Besides a few stupid racial slurs and my sweet little Christian friend’s body shaking uncontrollably because she decided to try alcohol AND weed for the first time, I had a great time talking with a guy who told me all about the logistics of his family’s pot farm.
  2. An African-American Family Reunion.  On my mission, one of the new members of the congregation invited us to come have dinner with his extended family. I was picturing a quiet, small cook-out with ribs and potato salad. Instead, there were about 75 to 80 people standing in the trailer park dressed like they were going to the club, drinking and listening to obscene rap music. Usually missionaries fit in pretty well at family gatherings; not this one. I felt like Sister Kate Herrod, the Mormon Buzz kill.
  3. Weekly Happy Hour with my work friends.  We had a lot of fun filling up on free chips and 1/2 priced drinks. Every week they would offer to buy me alcohol and I would always opt for a soda. Looking back, I can’t really figure out why I wanted to go every week. Whats the point of going to happy hour if you’re not going to take advantage of the liquor?

If you didn’t already know, I’m a Mormon, or a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Members of my church generally try to abstain from alcohol, smoking, and drugs.

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8 Meaningful Ways to Help a Homeless Person

24 Nov

I’ve always felt that it is MY responsibility to take care of the poor and downtrodden in my community.  Although I donate to charitable organizations, I find the most satisfaction when I can give to others directly. honeless man

Whenever I see a homeless person around town I want to help, but I never do because I want to do something more meaningful than money. When I get holiday gifts, I HATE the money presents because although they’re useful, they’re SO GENERIC. They require absolutely no forethought. Thus, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I consulted my favorite internet forums and put together a list of meaningful ways to help the homeless.

1) Carry around granola bars.  You’ve probably heard this one before, but it’s actually a great way to solve one of the most pressing problems that homeless people have.  What could be more meaningful than giving food to a hungry person?

2) Gift Cards and Coupons. Often times, homeless people have a small amount of money to use for their most basic needs.  Giving a coupon can ease some of their financial burdens.  Giving a gift card is even be better. homeless

3) Rent a locker to store their valuables. It’s hard for homeless people to keep their most valuable possessions safe so one blog I read suggested that you pre-purchase a few months rent on a locker at a shelter or community center.

4) Extra blankets and sleep pads. Rather than giving them to a thrift store, put them in your car and wait for the opportunity to give them away yourself.

5) Be on the lookout for easy job opportunities. It’s hard for homeless people to find job opportunities.  One of the greatest ways you can help them is through referrals and networking. Networking has been proven to be the best way to get a job and that applies to homeless people too!

6) Clean clothes.  Same as bedding.

7) Save old hotel shampoo and conditioner bottles.  Small sizes are easily transportable which makes them a better option than large cumbersome bottles. Take your own bottle of shampoo on vacations and save the travel size bottles for others.

8) Donate bus tokens. It can be hard for homeless people to get around town quickly, bus tokens can help quite a bit. You can either purchase tokens on your own or coordinate with the local homeless shelter for help.

My Future Funeral

9 Nov

So what?

I was reading an article about a girl who died of bone cancer last week.  I don’t usually like inspirational stories about death because they make me sad but this girl intrigued me because she had an insanely cool bucket list.

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5 Things I’m Into Right Now

7 Nov

1) New ways to serve others! I’m always looking for creative ways to serve; sometimes I’ll send a Facebook message or text, but when I saw this website, I knew that my friends were in for a real treat!

Screen Shot 2013-11-06 at 7.56.26 PM2) Umbrellas.  I don’t particularly love umbrellas but I DO love this picture.  Check out the album on flicker.

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Are you Too Critical of the Guys that you Date?

26 Sep

OldDesignShop_FrenchLovePCFront2So What?

I have a family member who is SUPER picky about the girls that he dates.  He justifies his pickiness by saying that he isn’t going to waste time with someone who he doesn’t like very much. While I completely agree with this philosophy, I think that he might be a little extreme…

The other day he told me that one of his best friends is going to marry his ex-girlfriend.  I was a little shocked that they were getting married so soon and I asked him how he felt about it.

He said that he didn’t mind very much because he felt like he, “dodged a bullet with that girl.”

What bullet?

She posts too many pictures of animals on her Facebook wall.vintage spaghetti cat

Yes, the fatal wound that my cousin barely avoided was a bullet shell full of sparkly gun powder and kitty memes.

Although I found his reasoning to be completely ridiculous, I started to wonder about the things that I judge people for. While I wouldn’t post pictures of animals on Facebook, I don’t think that I wouldn’t avoid being with some because that was their “thing.”

In fact, I think that it’s those things that make us different and unique.  They are the IMPORTANT things that we need to celebrate in one another.  friendship

The point is that if we judge people on our differences, it divides us.  When I judge people on superficial things, it usually makes me critical and unhappy. And what’s the point of that? You’ve only got 24 hours to enjoy today, why waste them being critical of someone else? There are so many other things that you could be doing!

Reading, helping other people, creating, enjoying time with your friends.

Love Your Life Today and Suspend Judgment

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Worry Spelled Backward is Yrrow

20 Sep

Do you worry about things too much?         I do.

This past week I had a few conversations with my friends about how worry influences our lives.  I found it interesting that although we all worry about the same things,  we feel so alone in our worry. 
butterfly woman

During these conversations a common question came up:  What can we do to decrease our worry? 

Although many solutions were presented (meditation, exercise, good eating and sleep habits, ect.) we agreed that none of them actually solve the problem.  

I recently read a study about how our brains can become addicted to excessive worry or anxious thoughts. When we worry, a chemical is released which triggers the pleasure center of our brain which makes us feel good.  Although we THINK that worry makes us unhappy, biologically, we actually ENJOY it.  Worry gives our minds something to focus on; a problem to try to solve.  Essentially, we become addicted to solving problems that aren’t very important. Continue reading

How I Beat My Back-to-School Blues

4 Sep

This is how I felt on Tuesday when I went back to school.

Usually, I’m excited to go back to school.  I love buying new clothes and new pencils.  I love getting a new syllabus and planning out when and how I will study.

This school year is different.
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