I’m in Love with a Boy that Hates Me

11 Dec

I’ve got to vent. I never wanted this to be one of those woes of dating blogs but dating seems to be on my mind right now so I guess I’ll keep at it.

“I’m in love with a girl that hates me” was the main line in the chorus of a song I heard at a talent show in High School. Two Australian guys wrote and sang the song.  Although I only heard it once, its catchy melody has made the words stick in my mind for years.  (if you can find a copy of it, I have a huge earring collection and I will give you any pair that you want)dating 2

I have a guy friend who was in LOVE with a girl who had a boyfriend. For two or three months he would talk about her and wish for a break up.  He even told her that if she broke up with her boyfriend, to call him.

You’ll never guess what happened on Thursday – she broke up with her boyfriend!

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She texted my friend the day after the break up to let him know…. It was time to spring.

Naturally, he asked her on a date.

Two days before the date, I was hanging out with my friend and he started talking about her break up. I found it interesting that he didn’t seem as excited about dating her as he once had been. In fact, he seemed disinterested… Almost like he wanted to hide the fact that he was ever interested in her at all.

How could a guy go from being “in love” with a girl for a few MONTHS and lose interest so quickly?

The Chase was over.

The point is that some people are addicted to the chase.  They will chase and chase until they win their dream person. Once they’ve “caught” them and the chase is over, they’re done. (DISCLAIMER: I may have caught my friend at a bad time, and it could still totally work out between him and that girl)

I’m sick of this.  If there is one thing I’ve learned about dating it’s that you can’t really know if you like someone until you get past the infatuation stage. At that point you feel comfortable enough with them to have fun, share experiences, and grow together. Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t.

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I’ve been on the bad side of this situation and I’ve decided that it all comes down to self respect. If someone isn’t treating you with respect, don’t waste your time. It’s easy to rationalize pursuing someone who isn’t super interested in you because, lets face it, we all want what we cant have. But TRUST me. When you run into a guy who is a “chaser,” it’s best to run away.

Here are my tips:

1) Notice if a guy gives off the “cool vibe.” If you and every other girl seems to like him, but he doesn’t ask any of them out it might be a bad sign.

2) If you’re friends with the guy (ie. you’ve hung out in a group and/or he knows your name) and he doesn’t say “hi” to you or acknowledge your presence in group settings… Leave.

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3) If you occasionally have “really good talks,” but he never initiates one-on-one time.  Be okay with the fact that you’re “friend zoned.”  If you find yourself liking him more its time to cut off ties, because it will end up being an unhealthy friendship. Often times those “friendships” are based on the fact that one person knows that the other one is way more into them and they take advantage of your emotional dependence.

4) If you’ve known him for a while and you notice that he can’t date a one person for longer than a few weeks, he’s probably a chaser. There is a good chance that he’s too caught up in the lure of a potential girl he might meeta than to focus on the really awesome one that is standing right in front of him (you).

5) Trust your intuition.  If it feels like you’re trying too hard, then you probably are.

In conclusion, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression, a tasteful chase is exciting and fun (it’s a requirement for me when I start dating someone). You just need to be smart about it and look for the signs.

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You deserve someone who likes you and treats you with respect.

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