How to go from Underdog to Top Dog

2 Nov

Now what?

Gloria_Swanson_&_TeddyI have two girl friends (they’re REAL friends, not metaphorical) who are in two different types of relationships.

Relationship #1: My friend is with a guy who seems perfect. He is super cute, witty, smart, motivated, easy-going, personable, and fun. She loves to spend time with him but he doesn’t invest much in their relationship which makes her feel  like the unappreciated underdog.  He likes her enough to keep dating but he just isn’t THAT into her.

The other friend is with a guy who isn’t as obviously great. He is also smart, motivated, and nice, but he isn’t as outgoing, confident,HalloweenKid or fun to be around as she would like. Although he is more of the underdog, this guy loves her… REALLY loves her. My friend is finally responding to his attention and although its taken some time, she is learning to love him too.

So What?

In relationship #1 the guy has all of the characteristics that my friends wants.  In relationship #2 my friend has all of the characteristics that the guy wants.  As usual, one person is more interested than the other. Why is that ALWAYS the case?

Because we’re attracted to people who have qualities that we either value in ourselves or want to develop.

Most of the time you already have the characteristics that you admire in the other person, you just haven’t been able to develop them fully.  Being in a relationship like that isn’t a bad thing.  In fact, it’s one of the greatest opportunities to learn and grow because you get to spend one-on-one time with an excellent teacher.

maralin monroe dogAll you have to say is, “hey, I have a problem with x, y, and z.  I’ve noticed that you’re really good at that.  Can you help me get better?”

unfortunately, people don’t do this when they first start dating because they’re afraid that the other person won’t like them as much.  That is completely ridiculous!

If someone said that to me I would think, my goodness, this guy thinks I’m really cool! I’ve noticed that he has a problem with that issue and I would love to help him.

So if you feel like the “underdog” in a relationship, then you probably are.  But that doesn’t mean that it won’t work out.  Use the people you admire as guides to help you become the kind of person that you want to be.

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